When Hate Turns to Appreciate

Photo taken at my school

Recently I saw one of my best friends who I’ve known for a couple of years.  But whenever I see him, it’s like I’ve known him for my whole life.

In high school, a lot of people didn’t like him because he was perceived to be pretentious and cocky (which to a degree is true).  But understanding his personality and background, I know his mannerisms stem from this sense to always feel as if he has to prove himself to the world.  This dude is really spectacular; he’s going to one of the top schools in the country, gets almost perfect grades,  while maintaining a great social life with hobbies .  When I’m around him and his “cocky side” emerges, I have a mixture of feelings: pride, anger, and jealousy.

Our friendship is definitely love-hat on my side because he’s my bro, but I hate that I compare myself to him constantly, and I think that I’m always inferior to him.  I used to try to suppress my jealousy, but why disclose genuine feelings? We can be happy, so why can’t we be angry or jealous?

I actually think being jealous of him has made me a better person.  I am jealous because I see him being so successful.  But I know he just worked really hard to get to where he is now.  At times, I am just so angry because I want to do the things he does.  But once the anger subsides, it actually turns into motivation for me to be better than I am.

I think if we get comfortable with our negative emotions and learn how they can compliment our positive emotions, we won’t start to think so badly about negative emotions.  Negative emotions are like setbacks because when you “get back”, you’re much better because of the adversity.

I haven’t seen a lot of Star Wars, but I know that the world they live in is at peace when the dark and light are in balance.  I believe all the flavors of love and hate follow the same principles.

2 thoughts on “When Hate Turns to Appreciate”

  1. This is so funny — I have a friend that I feel exactly the same way about. (Not the one I mentioned in my last blog post.) I think the jealousy, channeled into motivation, does make you a better person. With this friend of mine, we’re so alike intellectually that there’s always this sort of competitive tension between us. I get jealous when she succeeds because I think: If we’re so like, why aren’t I doing the same thing? I think it’s good to have someone like that, and even to surround yourself in general with people who are smarter than you or better at you than something, because it discourages you from settling into complacency.

    Liked by 1 person

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